Gravity Works

"It’s not the falling part that scares me so much as the sudden stop at the end." I used to think that was a funny punch line and pretty much summed up my fear of heights; now I see it as a reality and an absolute truth.

Sunday afternoon, Todd and I were happily working on replacing the asphalt shingles with beautiful Ocean Blue metal on the roof of our home and discussing just how close we were to actually having the whole thing finished, allowing us to move on to the interior of the new addition. It was a beautiful day, there was a breeze that occasionally knocked over a panel or two and blew a few scrap pieces off the roof into the yard, but it was nothing to worry about. We had plenty of time to finish what needed to be done and were hopeful that this would be the last weekend up top for us. We were working away while waiting on the boys to come up and help remove the shingles on the next section of the roof while we finished laying the metal on the current section, getting everything in place and lined up just right.

Suddenly, I started sliding down the roof and couldn’t get a grip on anything to stop myself. Todd jumped over and grabbed me and pulled me back up to where my shoes had traction again. It was a very scary moment for both of us. The day before, I’d gotten a panicked call from him saying he needed help on the roof NOW! The boys had been off the roof and inside long enough to take their shoes off and settle into their video chairs when I yelled that Daddy needed help and for everyone to get moving. I had no idea what was going on, but he sounded desperate. We ran outside to find him very close to the edge, trying to get some traction with his boots and hands to keep himself from sliding off the roof and onto the ground. I climbed the ladder, retrieved the tools at his feet and had the kids stabilize the ladder so he could use it as a slide-stop and safely climb down.

Apparently, the temperature change was just enough in the few minutes the boys had been inside to make the metal very slick and extremely unsafe. They had quit working well before sunset to avoid just such a thing happening, but it’s East Tennessee and you can’t predict what the weather is going to do from minute to minute and these metal roofs are very sensitive to temperature and moisture changes. So, come Sunday afternoon, we were being extra cautious about traction and temperature and everything else we could think of to be sure it was as safe as possible up there.

We were ready to install one of the last four pieces on the back side and were removing the paper from the seam tape when I lost traction yet again. Unfortunately, this time Todd was at the top of the roof and I was about halfway down, too far for him to get to me and stop my forward slide. There was literally nothing to stop my momentum, nothing for me to grab a hold of and nothing to do but prepare to fall.

I remember hearing Todd screaming NO! long and loud as I fell, but I wasn’t focusing on him; I was trying to figure out what I could do to lessen the force of the inevitable impact. All I could think to do was go limp, tuck and roll. I prayed that I was over far enough that I wouldn’t hit the concrete stoop when I landed. I wasn’t even thinking about the firewood holder and it’s 4x4 posts set in concrete, the sawhorses set up with a multitude of tools or any of the other things scattered around that I could have easily landed on. That was probably a good thing at the time; I had enough to stress about as it was.

Those thoughts a prayers happened in the time it took me to actually slide down the roof. Once I was airborne, my field of vision was focused entirely on the spot of ground where my body was plummeting towards at a much higher rate of speed than I would have liked. Everything was a bit blurry, but I didn’t see anything in that exact spot that I needed to worry about, so I prepared for impact and kept telling myself to stay limp and roll with it.

THUD! WHOMP! Slide and roll to the side…

Scream bloody murder.

Dear Jesus, my left leg hurt more than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life and I’ve survived natural childbirth and a kidney stone. I rolled over onto my right side to get the pressure off of my leg and felt a wave of nausea overtake me. Onto my back I went, hoping that being in my “panic attack pose” would help my body to calm down, at least a little bit. It might have worked, except for Todd leaning over the top of the ladder and screaming “NO! My love! No! No! Oh my God! No!” over and over again. Not exactly a calm, comforting situation. He hurried down the ladder and over to me, still screaming and now crying. I somehow managed to tell him to stop with the Oh my God and everything else and that I needed my Diazepam and some water and even where to find it.

He sprinted off and I laid there trying very hard not to have a full blown panic attack, but the pain was excruciating and the nausea was getting worse. I started my breathing exercises and realized I had a mouth full of asphalt dust, but was hurting too bad to try and lift a hand to remove any of it. He came back outside, quickly followed by the teens, and immediately dropped my medicine in my mouth. I had to retrieve it and explain that I really needed to rinse my mouth out first because there was no way I was swallowing asphalt shingle crap. Once that was done and I was able to take my medicine, he held on to me and cried and let all the worries out. Unfortunately, some of those worries came in the form of yelling at the boys that if they’d been up there with us, I wouldn’t have fallen. It makes no sense, but he was so scared and needed someone to be mad at, which only makes sense when you’re that terrified. They all started yelling at each other, so I started yelling and told them all to shut up immediately, that it was no ones fault and it could have easily been any of us that fell and they were not to try to blame anyone.

Sissy kept looking at me and started saying “Oh my God Mommy!” and after about the third time, I told her in no uncertain terms that she was to stop saying that or I would have a panic attack and if that happened I would be beyond pissed at her so those words and anything like them were not to come out of her mouth again, did she understand me? I got a weak, “Yes ma’am,” which was enough for me.  

There I was, lying on the ground, covered in dirt and asphalt, my leg and foot at odd angles being stared at by my teens while the little ones ran over to see what was wrong with Mommy. The teens, a little gruffly because they were terrified themselves, told them to go play, but they wouldn’t budge. I tried to ease their minds by telling them I’d fallen and hurt my leg but would be okay and for them to go play. Once they thought I was okay, they slowly made their way off and away from where I lay.

I sent Todd back inside for some Aleve to try to ease a little bit of the pain. Once that was in me, all I could do was lay there an laugh. I don’t know why exactly, but it’s kind of a defense mechanism of mine. If I laugh, I can’t think about what could have happened, or even what will happen in the near future. It calms my nerves and helps me to get through the rough patches. It makes me look insane, but it works. We propped my leg up on one of the little girls’ outside chairs and Sissy put Todd’s coat under my leg to keep the bar from cutting into me and making the pain worse. Someone brought me a pillow for my head and Little Bit brought me one of her stuffed animals to make me feel better. I was all set for a little while and able to catch my breath and formulate a plan of action.

I had Todd call my amazing friend Eva, who I had just spoken with about five or so minutes before I fell, and I asked her to change her afternoon plans and come sit with my children and the three month old baby we were watching while Todd took me to the ER. Being the awesome person she is, she was there before we were fully ready to head to the hospital and stayed until we were back home and settled in.

Walking was out of the question and I wasn’t comfortable being carried, not that I didn’t trust them to not drop me, I just didn’t think I could handle the pain that would cause, so Todd got the garden cart and loaded me into it and pulled me around to the front door. From there, he and Sissy helped me into the house and to the bathroom. There was no way I was going anywhere before I had the chance to use the facilities and try to remove some of the asphalt pieces from inside my clothing. I also took a minute to wash my face and tried to get some of the grit and grime out of the cuts on my left elbow. Apparently, when I landed, there were a few pieces of shingles there and I slid onto and across them. They lessened some of the impact, but tore my arm all to pieces.

Being a pro at prepping for a trip to the ER (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been there with Amanda over the past 14 months!) I had Sissy gather my water, PowerAde, some shorts and a jacket for me, as well as my purse. Todd grabbed his jacket and back to the garden cart we went. Eva, Sissy and Todd helped me into the truck and after a few final instructions on what and when the baby needed to eat, we were off.

Todd was so very stressed that I had to keep reminding him I was okay, but would be extremely pissed if he got us into a wreck and made things worse than they already were. He was able to calm down a little and got us safely to the Park West ER, parked and got me a wheelchair. I gotta tell you, the looks on everyone’s faces when they found out I’d fallen off the roof because we were working on it was priceless. I guess I just don’t look like the do-it-yourself type of person, but I definitely am, although I won’t be working with metal roofs anymore!

We got the last available bed, just as another ambulance pulled into the bay. We quickly discovered that it had been a very busy afternoon at the ER and they were swamped. Once I was able to lie down on the bed and relax a little, the wait was bearable. They ordered x-rays of my left ankle, knee, elbow and shoulder. The x-ray tech was awesome and was able to get all the shots he needed without me having to leave my comfy bed. He said there was no way he was making me sit on that hard x-ray table with all the pain I was in; God bless him!

Back to the room we went to await the results. At some point they came in with pain meds and a muscle relaxer. I’m allergic to pretty much every pain med out there, but this was one neither Todd nor I remembered me having had in the past so we tried it. It did lessen the pain, but I started itching from head to toe and couldn’t stop scratching for over two hours. They couldn’t give me Benadryl because it reacts negatively with this particular pain medicine, so I had to deal with it. Nothing like adding insult to injury.

During this time, the doctor came in and told us that the x-ray showed I had broken my knee in a very bad spot and would need surgery and pins to fix it. Normally that would have set me off on a full blown panic attack, but with all the medicines I had in me, my body just couldn’t muster the energy for one. She asked if I wanted to go ahead and have the CT scan then or wait until after I’d seen the orthopedic surgeon to have it done. I told her that with six kids and a very busy schedule, now was the best option. She also ordered an x-ray of my shin because it was starting to swell and bruise and the other x-rays just missed that spot.

While I was in the CT lab, Todd ran down and got me a burger, fries, Cheetos, a sweet tea, and a brownie. We did clear it with the doctor first because we weren’t sure if they were going to want to do the surgery then or schedule it for later. I got two bites into my food when they came to get me for the shin x-ray, which was okay because the food was actually making me queasy, even though I was craving it like mad. Many moons later, the doctor came back in with the fabulous news that the CT showed no break in my knee and I would not need surgery. Hallelujah!! She was amazed that after sliding off the roof and falling 12 feet to the ground I somehow managed to not break anything. She told me I was like a cat and had eight more lives left and that whatever gymnastics moves I had done had saved me and she wished everyone else could be so lucky.

They did put my ankle in a soft brace because every time I moved it, pain shot through me and it was unbearable. The guy who put it on must have thought it was just for looks because he was not gentle at all. I had to keep reminding him that my ankle was hurt and he needed to be a little bit easier with the tugging and pulling of it. He didn’t listen. Oh well, I was free to go home with no plans for surgery so it was all good. Todd wheeled me out to the truck and we headed home almost seven hours from when we first signed in. The look of relief on everyone’s faces when we came home and told them I hadn’t broken anything made me tear up; you could see the fear in their eyes before we told them anything and that tore at my heart like nothing else could.

I was still pretty out of it because of all the meds, but I had Todd and Sissy call my sister and Dad to let them know what had happened. While we were at the hospital, the kids were under a strict ‘no facebook posts’ order because I didn’t want anyone freaking out about what had happened and with no news to tell them, it would have made things a million times worse. I don’t remember much about the rest of the evening except that everyone pitched in to help with the baby and, I assume, me. Todd worked from home on Monday and with the help of Sissy, Derrick and Chris got everything done that needed to be done for me, the baby, his work and the house. I believe he even had the kids doing a bit of school work!

Some friends of ours stopped by to check on me and bring me a bit of chocolate (thanks Sherry!) to lift my spirits. Todd went to the grocery store and in addition to the household supplies, brought me back a surprise of chocolate donuts and some beautiful flowers. He had to bring the vase to me so I could see them because I still wasn’t getting around too well.

Today was better for me; I was able to put a little weight on my leg and hobble around just a little bit. I still use the crutches, but it’s nice to be able to take a few (unsteady) steps on my own without them from time to time. My leg is still very swollen and doesn’t look quite right, but it’s getting there. I know how lucky I am and I really couldn’t have asked for a better outcome in all of this.

We have decided to hire someone to finish installing the rest of the metal on the roof; it’s definitely time to let the professionals take over that job!

Love is Real

So today my body decides it's a great day for an ear infection, complete with burning ear, dizziness and nausea. Not the best welcome to Monday I've ever had, by any means. For those of you who've never had an ear infection, or at least not one you can remember, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. It's next to impossible to sleep and no amount of anti-nausea medicine helps that particular symptom. Warm compresses help for a short while, but they're no magic cure. I have great sympathy for small children with ear infections. As an adult, I can articulate my pain and, having experienced a number of these darn things before, I know what they are and what I need to do to relieve the pain. A small child only knows they feel bad, crying is necessary and they just want someone to make them feel better. I can totally relate.

Because I have high blood pressure, I have to be EXTREMELY careful about taking decongestants, which are usually the first line of defense against ear infections. The last time I took my prescription decongestant, my blood pressure shot through the roof and I was thisclose to a trip to the ER-in a different state with folks who know nothing about my medical history. Fortunately, my doctor is awesome and was able to help Todd monitor me over the phone and was there to get me through this very scary crisis. So, no decongestants for me today. Just lots of sleep and quiet time. Yes, my children can be quiet, but only under direct threat. :-)

While I was sleeping off one round of extreme nausea, Todd and the little girls had dinner: corn dogs and ice cream. Not the healthiest of choices, but that's okay. They had a great dinner together and were all ice cream covered smiles and giggles when all was said and done (the little girls, not Todd!) They loved having dinner with Daddy and I'm sure there was tons of silliness and laughter the entire time. They got ready for bed and he read them their bedtime story, something they ABSOLUTELY LOVE because he uses silly voices and is very animated. They went off to bed tonight with happy tummies and happy hearts, just the way they're supposed to be.

During this time, four of the teens went for a walk down to the park. It's about a mile from the house, paved sidewalks the whole way with enough street lamps that it's not too scary a walk after dark. Some walk for the exercise, some for the company and some because it's the only way they get to play on the swings. They found some interesting sidewalk chalk graffiti there tonight. The one picture that was uploaded to facebook was a John Lennon quote: "Love is real. Real is love." There was reference to another of the drawings they saw, but fortunately, they had the good taste to NOT photograph and upload that one.

Once the little girls were tucked safely in bed and the teens were recovering from their outing, Todd was ready to head to the gym to work out for a little while. He asked around to see if anyone else wanted to go and got a taker in the one teen who didn't go to the park tonight, so the two of them headed off for a little quality work out time. Normally, I would have jumped at the chance to be there and not worry about the little ones, but the thought of becoming ill while walking the track just wasn't an appealing one for me tonight. Or ever, really.

I am hoping that tomorrow brings some doctor-related relief for me and lots more love and laughter for the family. The house is very quiet right now and not just because that's all my head can handle. Everyone is relaxed, worn out and happy. Just the way they should be.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I’ve discovered something about our teens: they cannot all seem to get along at the same time. Someone always has to be the outsider, the one everyone’s mad at, the outcast of the week. I don’t know why. I do know I’d like it to stop, though.

Maybe it’s because there’s an odd number of them: 2 boys and 3 girls. When you get them paired up, someone’s left out. We’ve always made sure there was an even number of guests at birthday parties and sleepovers just to avoid the “one child left out” syndrome, but I can’t just magically add another teen to the family. Some of you are thinking, “Send one away! That will fix things,” and while it would (at least temporarily) I’m pretty sure we’d miss the one sent into exile.

Maybe it’s because none of them have ever had to really share their lives with anyone else for an extended period of time. Derrick was an only child for the first 16 years of his life, as was Chris. Britt has half-siblings, but they didn’t grow up together, so she was pretty much an only child as well. Sissy and Manna grew up together, but spent a lot of time away from each other, either by their own choice or someone else’s. Now, they’re all living together, with the addition of the little girls and us, and they have to learn how to do that, preferably without killing one another.

Lately they’ve also been comparing themselves to the others, in an effort to prove, well, I don’t know what they’re trying to prove. I get a lot of “I did this, they only did that” and “It’s not fair.”  Part of me just wants to say, “Life’s not fair,” and walk away, but I don’t. I listen to their concerns and see if there is any way I can make things a little fairer for them. Sometimes I can, and sometimes I can’t. It’s especially hard to listen to when the one complaining that someone else isn’t doing such-and-such is the one that wasn’t doing anything themselves a short time ago. You know, the pot calling the kettle black and all that.

Maybe everyone with a house full of kids goes through this at some point or another. Then again, it may be confined to those whose kids didn’t grow up together. I don’t know, but I will be happy when they all realize they are family and need to be loving and supportive to everyone, all the time. I hope that’s not just a pipe dream. 

Where's Waldo?

I’m sitting here waiting on the baby we’re babysitting to wake up for his midnight snack and thinking about where everyone is this weekend.

Derrick is over at Nick’s 15^th birthday party, enjoying the food and company, I’m sure. I know of at least one present he got today and I’m certain he’s enjoying that with him as well.

Chris asked to spend this weekend with his grandmother, so he’s been over there since Friday night. They’ve definitely come a long way in their relationship over the past four months. I’m so very glad he now wants to spend time with her and she gets to enjoy his company and just be Grandmother now. I know she is too.

Britt had two volleyball games this afternoon and had to play the full time during both of them because they were short two players. The games were back-to-back, so she was pretty worn out. Not too worn out to spend some time with her boyfriend afterword at home, though. J

Sissy ran into a friend of hers while we were out shopping tonight. She went with her for a while so she could see her new apartment and they could catch up a little. I had to laugh when she called and asked me if she could spend the night with her tonight. My response was, “I just met her tonight and the only thing I know about her is she’s 18 and has her own apartment. That would be a no.” Fortunately, for her, she understood right away and didn’t argue with me.

This is the first time in a while that we’ve had so many kids gone at the same time. Having the hobbits asleep right now in addition, makes the house a little bit quieter than we’re used to; well, it would if Manna wasn’t so talkative. J

Think Before You Act

Because a family member allegedly chose to make the wrong decisions and ended up behind bars, several of my children are suffering. It breaks my heart to see them hurting because they are missing someone important to them. If I had the power to go back in time and show this person just how much their actions would affect everyone who loves them, I would. What I have written below is an open letter to this person, as well as to anyone else who has chosen to make the wrong decisions and left friends and family members behind.

When you choose to do something stupid and you think, “I can do whatever I want to because it’s my life and I don’t have to answer to anyone,” you forget just how many people in your life are affected by that decision. When you do something so serious that it removes you from society, your family and friends, not only does it ruin your life, but it very negatively impacts theirs as well. They don’t get to see you. They don’t get to talk to you. You don’t get to be a part of their lives. They grieve over the time they’ve lost with you. They grieve for the person you used to be and the person they wish you still were.

When things go wrong, they don’t have you to lean on for support. When things go right, you can’t be there to celebrate with them. They miss you every day, and that’s not fair to them. You made the decision to do something that cost you your freedom and yes, you are paying for that, but they are paying for it as well. They can’t magically turn off their feelings and no longer care about you or forget you exist. They carry you in their hearts and in their minds and wish every day they could have you back in their lives.

They spend countless nights crying themselves to sleep because you are not there. They feel lost and hopeless because they know there is nothing they can do to change things from the way they are. They want to know when it all went wrong; was there a breaking point that they missed? Was there something they could have done to stop you from making that decision that changed everyone’s lives? Was there something they could have said that would have made the difference?

The answer is usually no, because they didn’t make the decision for you; you made it yourself. You decided you had nothing left to lose, or maybe you thought you were above the law and your friends would never rat you out, and went out and did what you wanted to do. You made yourself feel like a big person by hurting someone else, taking their things, destroying their property or whatever it was that you felt would make you happy at the time.

Did you even take a second to think about how this action would affect your family? Your parents? Siblings? Children? Friends? Aunts? Uncles? Grandparents? ANYONE?  Probably not. You were in the moment, only thinking about yourself and how to prove that you were bigger, “badder” and better than the other person. Now, you have all the time in the world to think about these things, but will you? I don’t know.

It doesn’t appear to me that you spent a lot of time thinking about anyone else when you were free and living among your friends and family. You didn’t think about how your actions would affect the lives of your children because if you had, you wouldn’t have done the things you did.  I’d like to think the person they remember who was always there for them, always took care of them, looked out for them and supported them is still in there somewhere. If that’s true, that person is buried very deeply inside you because you certainly weren’t doing any of those things when you were out looking for/preparing for trouble.

Are you sitting there thinking about how you can make things up to your friends and family? Are you thinking about how you’ll do things differently if and when you ever get out? Are you making plans for how to make sure you don’t end up back in there again? Are you worried that what you’ve done will impact your family for the rest of their lives and that they will have to live with the stigma of what you’ve done?

Or are you in there thinking of ways to get back at the person who stepped up and said you need to pay for what you’ve done? Are you coming up with new and better ways of getting into more trouble if you get out? Are you refusing to own up to your mistakes and learn from them?

I certainly hope it’s the former, for everyone’s sake, but I’m not holding my breath. I also don’t expect you to ever understand just how much pain you’ve caused. The only thing I know to do is to be there for the ones you’ve left behind, try to answer their questions and love them unconditionally. It can’t ever make up for your loss, but it will show them there are people in this life they can always count on. I’m just sad that one of those people isn’t you.

Opa!

The High School Dancers

Today was the 32nd Annual Greek Fest at St. George Greek Orthodox Church here in Knoxville. As we have done for the past 10 years, we took the family there to enjoy some great music, food and dancing. The church members go out of their way to make you feel welcome and encourage you to "Be Greek for a Day!"

The food there is amazing. The church members make all of the pastries by hand and have to make literally thousands of each type in hopes that they have enough for everyone who comes through the pastry line. We got 3 of the last 5 boxes of the assorted pastries this afternoon; last year we were a little too late and had to make our own out of the few pastries that were left. Some of my favorite foods there are the Chicken in a Pocket and Spanakopita (which they sold out of before I could get some today.) :-( The little girls loved their Greek Pizza and Chris wants the recipe for the Greek Fries. The Baklava Sundaes also sold out this afternoon, but the little girls were able to get one before that happened. As much as our family loves to eat, the food was definitely the highlight of the afternoon.

Nick, Amanda, Brittney and Derrick 

Several of Derrick's friends are members of the church and are a part of the Greek dance classes. We always love watching the kids do the traditional Greek dances as well as the ones with a modern twist. It's even better now that we have the hobbits because they are the first ones on the stage when they welcome the crowd to join and dance to their heart's content. That's definitely Little Bit's favorite part of the day. She's half Greek, so it's definitely in her blood. She was too cute today doing some of the belly dances with the adults and looked like a natural out there. Blondie loves being out there, too, but not nearly to the same degree as Little Bit.

Sissy, Little Bit, Me and Blondie

I drug Sissy out there to join the little girls for a dance, but she was having some issues with her flip flops and other people's feet, so she didn't get as much dancing done as she did trying to stop her toes from being stomped to pieces. Derrick's best friend, Nick, was able to get Amanda, Brittney AND Derrick out on the stage today for a little dancing. We've been trying for years to get Derrick out there, but have never had any success until today. Now, he wants to take Greek dance classes at the church. Go figure.

Beautiful girls in authentic Greek costumes

The Agora (Greek Marketplace) is a fabulous place to do a little shopping for yourself or possibly get a little Christmas shopping done. They have authentic Greek merchandise and some absolutely stunning jewelry and decorations. If only I had an unlimited budget...

We bought a CD from the band, The Greek Tycoons (http://www.greektycoons.com/home.html) who are extremely talented and have an awesome sense of humor. They wander through the crowd playing their bouzouki and derbeki and try to snag a little bit of food from unsuspecting Greek ladies. That didn't work out so well today when one of them got his hand smacked! Little Bit couldn't stop dancing to their music, even when she was falling asleep in my or Britt's lap.

Greek for a day!

The little girls got to try on some authentic Greek costumes and had their pictures taken in them. They LOVED that so much! Not only was it dress up time, it was Greek dress up time! They looked so cute dressed as little Greek children. The costumes they got to wear belong to the church's dance instructor, Maria, and were hers when she was a little girl. I think it's pretty cool that there's so much history and culture behind everything you get to see and do at Greek Fest and it's great fun for the whole family.

Amanda was approached by Maria at one point and asked if she was okay and told that they had snacks and water available if she needed them. Apparently, she was scowling so much that they thought there was something seriously wrong with her. Poor Todd wasn't sure how to react to that situation; nothing like having the event organizers zero in on your kid for a not-so-positive reason. Hopefully, she'll do more smiling next year!

Needless to say, we all came home very full, very tired and very happy. Opa, indeed!

Family and Food

OK, I've finally gotten the introductions of all the kids uploaded. I hope everyone enjoys getting to know our kids a little better. I'm sure you'll learn even more about them as time goes on and I'm able to add more stories to the blog. Sissy has requested that I add one about Todd and me, so I suppose I'll be working on that one in the near future.

Todd is going to take a little bit of a break from working on the house tomorrow and we're going to go to Greek Fest at St. George Greek Orthodox Church tomorrow afternoon. The girls LOVED it last year and are so very excited to go again this year. We've not missed a year in a very long time; we look forward all year to the food! The kids love the dancing and looking at all the neat Greek items in the market place. If anyone is in the area, the festival runs from noon to 6 pm tomorrow. Come on out and join us. You just might end up in a photo here on my blog... :-)